We’ve all had to deal with rejection at some point in our lives. How you handle will make a big impact on your mental health. Listen to the podcast and let me know your thoughts!
Anyway, I wanted to talk about how to handle rejection. I recently had a situation where I was curved and I was butt hurt like shit.I had a whole ass temper tantrum at my age. I was hot
I had a melt down, I was even yelling at my ceiling like “God! Why am I here?! Why do you have me here if amazing things aren’t going to happen!?! I went on Instagram, which I use as my damn dear diary, crying on my Instagram story. I was supremely butt hurt. Like I just know my neighbor could hear me yelling and screaming. Like I was dead ass trying to yell at God.
I was hot. I’m cool now but I had to realize, everything ain’t for you and everybody ain’t for you either.
Ok, so you have direct rejection – This is where a person is literally saying flat out – I ain’t rocking with you. Eat a dick and kick rocks. And then there’s the passive aggressive Curve. They don’t say it but they SHOW you they don’t fuck with you like that. For example, you hang out with a clique of friends. Y’all go out everywhere together. Y’all got the group chat going. Y’all all have keys to each other’s apartments but then one day you find out they’ve been kicking it without you. They’re curving you. Someone in the friend group isn’t rocking with you like they used to and now they’re tryna slowly but surely get you up out the mix. That’s a curve.
I prefer direct rejection instead of curving simply because I like knowing who I’m dealing with. If you don’t want me, if you’re not fucking with what I got going on. Just say that. Especially if we’re close. If we’re friends, lovers, whatever, just let me know because why am I putting all this energy into you if you have no energy for me.
Regardless if it’s subtle or direct, rejection is rejection.
Types of rejection:
There’s familial rejection for some, parents might not lifestyle choices, your choice of a spouse, whatever and they shun you over that. You know, they don’t want to accept you or your bi-racial baby. You know. They should make a Lifetime movie about that. Cuz that definitely happens alot. They could call it, “I never voted for Barack Obama, you think I want one in my house.” That’s a bad joke, but it made me laugh. That’s all that matters. I’d totally watch that. Now, I’m not going to go in on my parents because I definitely have examples, but I know my mom’s friend’s listen to my podcast and I can just hear her now, “Why you on that Spacebook telling my business? You tell all your business. What I tell you about telling all MY business? I don’t want anybody in my business.” Sigh…
There’s social rejection. I deal with this alot because sometimes I can come off abrasive. I stay getting kicked out of Facebook groups but you know what I say when that happens, Fuck y’all.I don’t give a fuck ab out your little Facebook group. You fucking losers. You fucking nerds. Sidenote, am I the only one that thinks Facebook Group Admin’s think they’re god’s or something, like “Bitch get a real job”. Make believe ass motherfucker. Virtual reality ass nigga. You only important on the internet. I can’t stand those niggas. Imma start my own group.
Then there’s relationship rejection – you know friendships, associates, all that shit. I was literally trying to make friends with this one chick, somebody told me that I needed more white friends. So I found this white girl and was like, hey. Be my friend. She was cool at first but then she stopped being cool with me…I think it was because I kept getting into Facebook fights….but anyway…that before I started going to therapy, I’ve been delivert! Anway…I didn’t trip, I just respected the curve. You don’t want to be my friend?, cool, you ain’t the only white person in America. My bougie ass stays in the suburbs, like everyday it’s snowing outside. Everytime I turn around there’s a white person. Uh, Your loss boo! Now I never did get that white friend, but maybe I should put that on my goal list for 2022. I should get me one of those rich white friends. They’re hella generous and don’t have any problem spending their great grand daddy’s money. Matter of fact, if you have an inheritance, holla at me. I’m tryna get my teeth fixed. I need those veneers baby. I’m tryna get me those Cardi B teeth.
Last one then there’s romantic relationship rejections. Now this is where shit can get hella passive aggressive. What I’ve noticed about relationships, people be miserable as fuck and stay in them because they don’t want to be alone. Do you know how toxic that shit can get? I had one guy start withholding sex from me. I think it was because I was a little inexperienced at the time and because I had gained weight. So instead of just saying, “Hey, this isn’t working for me.” You string me along, all while emotionally abusing me, making me feel like shit, make me feel undersible. I’m looking at me different now. You’re fucking with my self confidence, all for what? Because you wanted somebody waiting in the wings to kiss your ass when you need your ego stroked. You know what I call that, trash!
So let’s talk about how to deal with rejection.
When I’m rejected, or I feel like I’m starting to get curved, first thing I would do is ask myself, do I want to keep dealing with this person or situation and trying to make things work? How badly do I need this person’s acceptance? Y’all know, I like to cut ‘em off. Oh, you doing too much, You got a Tiff Money timeout, you get a tiff Money timeout, you all get Tiff Money timeouts. Now get the fuck out my face…Like Fantasia says, “if you don’t want me then don’t talk to me, go ahead and free yourself! if you don’t want me then don’t talk to me, bitch go be with someone else.”
If it’s a situation that you want to stay in, you want another shot, you know that this is the situation for you, ask what you can do better. You get passed over for a promotion or a role at work? They give it to someone else? Was the candidate that received the promotion a better pick? Do they have certifications that you don’t have or you’ve been dragging your feet on getting? Do they have more specialized experience? Again, what could you have done better so the next time, will be your time to shine.
For example, I’m a stand up comedian. One of the things that solidifies you as a standup, is getting passed at a club. That means, that club thinks you’re good enough to open for headliners and they pay you as regular booked talent. I went to get passed at a club, a club that’s been very supportive of me. I didn’t get passed but I really like that club. I was given a run down of what went well, what I need to improve and what I need to get passed the next time. That’s a situation, although, I’ve been rejected, I really want to give it another shot.
If it’s a situation I’m cool with leaving, I still self assess to see if there was anything in that situation that I could’ve done better.
Now I’m super duper aware that there are some situations that you just can’t easily exit. Like dealing with certain family members…like if one of my cousin’s was like “I don’t fuck with you like that,” I’mma just be like “well nigga, I ain’t never fuck with you. Have a nice life, dickhead.” But see someone like my mom, nah. I can’t just be like, “Adios much-cha cha”. That’s my momma, we gotta work it out.
Talk about it with the person. If what you’re experiencing is giving you a bunch of angst. Discuss that shit! Like, alienation of affection is BIG in romantic relationships. You stopped cooking for me, we don’t have sex enough, you don’t tell me you love me anymore, you’re staying out late, you keep cheating on me…talk about that shit. Try and figure out what is the disconnect. How do we fix it? Do we want to fix it? My suggestion, if you really want to stay in that situation, go to therapy. If the person doesn’t want to work on it, you have to give them the space that they’re asking for. Doesn’t mean they won’t come back to you. But you have to give them the space to decide if they want to. Don’t hold them hostage, don’t hold yourself hostage.
I remember I was dating this guy and unbeknownst to me, he was screwing someone we were both working with. When I found out, that shit really hurt my feelings especially since he decided to continue a relationship with the woman. I cried over that shit, like, I really cried about that shit…and Tiff Money before the therapy was a thug. I didn’t cry about anything. I’ve been through some things, and by that time in my life, I didn’t have anymore tears to give. Just couldn’t be bothered… but this shit made me cry. And a friend of mind gave me the best advice and use it to this day when I experience rejection she said – “Build a bridge and get over it. He wasn’t for you. You weren’t for him. Move on.” and I did.
That situation, that relationship, that great love, that thing that you want so badly…it’s out there. It’s waiting for you. It will find you. What’s for you won’t miss you. I have to tell myself this everyday. Especially when I get frustrated when I get passed over for things or it may not work out with someone that I’m dating. I have to tell myself, that wasn’t for you. They weren’t for you…at least right now. It’s super easy to let rejection impact your self confidence and mental health but please, don’t let it. You got this.
Anyway, hope this helps anyone dealing with rejection. I know it sucks balls but that’s life. You gotta know when you cut your losses, move on or if you want to hold on, put that work in to keep it.